http://www.usattorneysdirectory.us/humor/index.php Copyright 2012, US Attorneys Directory.us humor@usattorneysdirectory.us US Attorneys Directory.us humor@usattorneysdirectory.us en-US SPHPBLOG 0.4.8 http://www.usattorneysdirectory.us/humor/index.php?entry=entry110312-223003
"Well, I do have a double room with one occupant," admitted the manager, "and I'm sure he would be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained all week. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you."

"No problem," the tired traveler assured him. "I'll take it."

The next morning John came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. The manager asked him how he survived.

"Never better." John said.

The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring, then?"

"Nope. I shut him up in no time."

"How'd you manage that?"

"He was already in bed, snoring away. when I came in the room," John said. "I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, 'Good night, beautiful' and he sat up all night watching me."]]> Miscellaneous Jokes http://www.usattorneysdirectory.us/humor/index.php?entry=entry110312-223003 US Attorneys Directory.us humor@usattorneysdirectory.us Sun, 13 Mar 2011 06:30:03 GMT http://www.usattorneysdirectory.us/humor/comments.php?y=11&m=03&entry=entry110312-223003 http://www.usattorneysdirectory.us/humor/index.php?entry=entry110312-222625
"Yes," the other one said, "I have. You see this peg leg? Well, one day I was out on deck and my leg become dangled up in a loose line and it was so badly mangled that they had to take it off at the knee."

His friend agreed that was bad luck.

The other one continued. "You see I have a hook for a hand. One day I was out on deck when a shipmate of mine fell overboard. I leaned over as far as I could in a attempt to rescue him and as I extended my hand to him a shark took my hand off."

"My, you really did experience bad luck, the other responded, I see you have a patch over one eye, What happened to your eye?"

"Well, I was out on deck again one day and just as I looked up, a seagull that was flying over , unloaded, and got me right in the eye."

"Did that take your eye out?

No, that was the first day I had my hook."]]> Miscellaneous Jokes http://www.usattorneysdirectory.us/humor/index.php?entry=entry110312-222625 US Attorneys Directory.us humor@usattorneysdirectory.us Sun, 13 Mar 2011 06:26:25 GMT http://www.usattorneysdirectory.us/humor/comments.php?y=11&m=03&entry=entry110312-222625 http://www.usattorneysdirectory.us/humor/index.php?entry=entry110312-222309
The Head Gangster says, "Okay, well, at least we can eat it." So they eat the pudding. They drill and pry open up the second safety deposit box and there sits another pudding. They decide to devour it too.

Determined to find the goods, the process continues for the rest of the night until all the safety deposit boxes have been opened. They didn't find any money or jewelry in any of the boxes. Disappointed the head gangster said, "Well, at least they left something for us to eat."

The next day, while listening to the news they hear:
"Yesterday the largest SPERM bank in the USA was robbed by an unknown group of people.]]> Miscellaneous Jokes http://www.usattorneysdirectory.us/humor/index.php?entry=entry110312-222309 US Attorneys Directory.us humor@usattorneysdirectory.us Sun, 13 Mar 2011 06:23:09 GMT http://www.usattorneysdirectory.us/humor/comments.php?y=11&m=03&entry=entry110312-222309 http://www.usattorneysdirectory.us/humor/index.php?entry=entry090507-185055
DEAR FRIENDS,
WE DIDN'T MIND THE BED SLATS BEING SAWED.
THE ELECTRIC SHOCK WAS ONLY A MINOR SETBACK.
BUT I SWEAR, I'M GOING TO KILL WHOEVER PUT
NOVOCAINE IN THE K-Y JELLY!"]]> Miscellaneous Jokes http://www.usattorneysdirectory.us/humor/index.php?entry=entry090507-185055 US Attorneys Directory.us humor@usattorneysdirectory.us Fri, 08 May 2009 01:50:55 GMT http://www.usattorneysdirectory.us/humor/comments.php?y=09&m=05&entry=entry090507-185055 http://www.usattorneysdirectory.us/humor/index.php?entry=entry090507-184801
The wife takes the pill and a few minutes later the husband says, "I don't feel a thing. You women are babies. Take another pill I can handle this." So the wife takes another pill. Same thing happens. Her husband tells her to take another pill. Same thing. By now she has transferred 75% of her pain to her husband. She is feeling a little pain but her husband is still feeling nothing. He is convinced that women are complete wuses. He tells her, "Take another pill. This isn't hurting me at all. Let me take all the pain away." So she does. Now they are both feeling great.

A few hours later, the wife gives birth to a beautiful baby boy. The next day they take their newborn son home, and there they find the mailman dead on the doorstep.]]> Relationship Jokes http://www.usattorneysdirectory.us/humor/index.php?entry=entry090507-184801 US Attorneys Directory.us humor@usattorneysdirectory.us Fri, 08 May 2009 01:48:01 GMT http://www.usattorneysdirectory.us/humor/comments.php?y=09&m=05&entry=entry090507-184801 http://www.usattorneysdirectory.us/humor/index.php?entry=entry090507-182659
The wife lies down on the bed... just then, an elevated train passes by very close to the window and shakes the room so hard she's thrown out of the bed. Thinking this must be a freak occurrence, she lies down once more. Again a train shakes the room so violently, she's pitched to the floor.

Exasperated, she calls the front desk, asks for the manager. The manager says he'll be right up. The manager (naturally) is sceptical but the wife insists the story is true.

"Look,... lie here on the bed - you'll be thrown right to the floor!"

So he lies down next to the wife... Just then the husband walks in. "What," he says, "are you doing here?"

The manager replies: "Would you believe I'm waiting for a train?"]]> Relationship Jokes http://www.usattorneysdirectory.us/humor/index.php?entry=entry090507-182659 US Attorneys Directory.us humor@usattorneysdirectory.us Fri, 08 May 2009 01:26:59 GMT http://www.usattorneysdirectory.us/humor/comments.php?y=09&m=05&entry=entry090507-182659