Drunk And Disorderly
Thursday, October 9, 2008, 07:36 PM - Law Humor
Three men stood before a judge on a charge of drunk and disorderly conduct in a public place.The Judge says to the first defendant, "What were you doing?"
The first defendant says, "Nothing much, I was just throwing peanuts in the pond."
The Judge says to the second defendant, "And what were you doing?"
The second defendant says, "I was just throwing peanuts in the pond, too."
The Judge says that sounds harmless, and then says to the third defendant, "Were you throwing peanuts in the pond as well?"
The third defendant says, "No, sir. I am Peanuts!!"
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Happy Employee
Thursday, October 9, 2008, 07:25 PM - Miscellaneous Jokes
The boss is visiting various departments and sees an employee sitting behind his desk, looking totally stressed out. The man looked like he was almost in tears.The boss feeling sorry for the employee says: "Why don't you do what I did to get rid of my stress. I went home every afternoon for two weeks and had myself pampered by my wife. It was fantastic, and it really helped; you should try it!".
Two weeks later, when the boss is again visiting various departments, he sees the employee happy and full of energy at his desk. The faxes are piling up, the computer is running at full speed and the employee has a big smile on his face.
"I see you followed my advice", said the boss.
"I did", answers the employee. "It was really great! I don't know how to thank you. By the way you have a beautiful house!"
A Letter From A Marine Recruit
Thursday, October 9, 2008, 07:11 PM - Miscellaneous Jokes
Dear Ma and Pa:I am well. Hope you are doing well too. Tell my brothers Jimmy and Leroy that the Marine Corps beats working for old man Smith by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.
I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m., but I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell my brothers all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay... practically nothing. Men got to shave but it's not so bad... there's warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steaks, pie, and other regular food, but tell them you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you 'til noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.
We go on "route marches," which the Platoon Sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.
The country is nice but awful flat. The Sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags and complains about us a lot. The Captain is like the school Vice Principal. Majors and Colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.
This next will kill my brothers with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Jonas boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.
Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Rafe Brown from over in Cedarville. I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6" and 135 pounds and he's 6'7" and near 300 pounds.
Be sure to tell my brothers to hurry and join up before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding on in.
Your always loving daughter,
Linda
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