How many children do you have?
Monday, February 16, 2009, 06:01 PM - Miscellaneous Jokes
After many months of discussion, Bill and Betty finally decided to move to New York. When they arrived in New York they had great difficulty finding a suitable apartment to live in.Although many were big enough, the landlords always seemed to object to such a large family living there.
If only Bill wasn't so honest about the size of his family!
After several days of unsuccessful searching, Bill had an idea. He told Sarah to take the four younger children to visit the local cemetery while he went with the older three children to find an apartment.
After looking for most of the morning, Bill found a place that was ideal.
The landlord asked him, "How many children do you have?"
Bill answered with a deep sigh, "Seven . . . but four are with their dear mother in the cemetery."
He got the apartment!
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You'd better explain how you managed to accomplish this
Monday, February 16, 2009, 05:49 PM - Miscellaneous Jokes
A pastor concluded that his church was getting into very serious financial troubles. While checking the church storeroom, he discovered several cartons of new Bibles that had never been opened and distributed. So at his Sunday sermon, he asked for three volunteers from the congregation who would be willing to sell the Bibles door-to-door for $10 each to raise the desperately needed money for the church.Jack, Paul and Louie all raised their hands to volunteer for the task.
The minister knew that Jack and Paul earned their living as salesmen and were likely capable of selling some bibles. But he had serious doubts about Louie who was a local farmer, who had always kept to himself because he was embarrassed by his speech impediment. Poor Louis stuttered badly. But, not wanting to discourage Louie, the minister decided to let him try anyway. He sent the three of them away with the back seat of their cars stacked with Bibles. He asked them to meet with him and report the results of their door-to-door selling efforts the following Sunday.
Anxious to find out how successful they were, the minister immediately asked Jack, 'Well, Jack, how did you make out selling our bibles last week?'
Proudly handing the reverend an envelope, Jack replied, "Using my sales prowess, I was able to sell 20 bibles, and here's the $200 I collected on behalf of the church.'
'Fine job, Jack!' The minister said, vigorously shaking his hand. 'You are indeed a fine salesman and the Church is indebted to you.'
Turning to Paul, 'And Paul, how many bibles did you sell for the Church last week?'
Paul said, "I am a professional salesman. I sold 28 bibles on behalf of the church, and here's $280 I collected.'
The minister responded, 'That's absolutely splendid, Paul. You are truly a professional salesman and the church is indebted to you.'
Apprehensively, the minister turned to Louie and said, 'And Louie, did you manage to sell any Bibles last week?'
Louie silently offered the minister a large envelope.
The minister opened it and counted the contents. 'What is this?' the minister exclaimed. 'Louie, there's $3200 in here! Are you suggesting that you sold 320 bibles for the church, door to door, in just one week?'
Louie just nodded.
'That's impossible!" Both Jack and Paul said in unison. 'We are professional salesmen, yet you claim to have sold 10 times as many Bibles as we could.'
'Yes, this does seem unlikely,' the minister agreed. 'I think you'd better explain how you managed to accomplish this, Louie.'
Louie shrugged. 'I-I-I re-re-really do-do-don't kn-kn-know f-f-f-for sh-sh-sh-sure,' he stammered.
Impatiently, Peter interrupted. 'For crying out loud, Louie, just tell us what you said to them when they answered the door!'
'A-a-a-all I-I-I s-s-said wa-wa-was,' Louis replied, 'W-w-w-w-would y-y-y-you l-l-l-l-l-like t-t-to b-b-b-buy th-th-th-this b-b-b-b-bible F-f-for t-t-ten b-b-b-bucks ---o-o-o-or- -- wo-wo-would yo-you j-j-j-just l-like m-m-me t-t-to st-st-stand h-h-he re and r-r-r-r-r-read it t-to y-y-you??'
Rough Day
Sunday, January 11, 2009, 06:32 PM - Miscellaneous Jokes
There was this guy sitting at a bar, just staring at his drink. He sits like that for over half an hour.Then, this biker comes up next to him, takes the drink from the him, and drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying.
The biker says, "Come on man, I was just joking around. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a grown man cry."
"No, it's not that" said the man. "This day is the worst of my life. First, I over sleep, and I get to my office late. My boss gets angry and fires me. When I leave the building, to get my car, I found out it was stolen. The police took a report but said that they can't really do anything. I get a cab to go home, and after I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver had already driven away."
"I enter my home, and and go upstairs only to find my wife in bed with the pool man. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."
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