Bronze Sculpture
Tuesday, October 21, 2008, 12:16 AM - Law Humor
A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop in San Francisco's Chinatown. Picking through the objects on display he discovers a detailed, life-sized bronze sculpture of a rat. The sculpture is so interesting and unique that he picks it up and asks the shop owner what it costs. "Ten dollars for the rat, sir," says the shop owner, "and a hundred dollars more for the story behind it."
"You can keep the story, old man," he replies, "but I'll take the rat."
The transaction complete, the tourist leaves the store with the bronze rat under his arm. As he crosses the street in front of the store, two live rats emerge from a sewer drain and fall into step behind him. Nervously looking over his shoulder, he begins to walk faster, but every time he passes another sewer drain, more rats come out and follow him. By the time he's walked two blocks, at least a hundred rats are at his heels, and people begin to point and shout. He walks even faster, and soon breaks into a trot as multitudes of rats swarm from sewers, basements, vacant lots, and abandoned cars. Rats by the thousands are at his heels, and as he sees the waterfront at the bottom of the hill, he panics and starts to run full tilt.
No matter how fast he runs, the rats keep up, squealing hideously, now not just thousands but millions, so that by the time he comes rushing up to the water's edge a trail of rats twelve city blocks long is behind him. Making a mighty leap, he jumps up onto a light post, grasping it with one arm while he hurls the bronze rat into San Francisco Bay with the other, as far as he can heave it. Pulling his legs up and clinging to the light post, he watches in amazement as the seething tide of rats surges over the breakwater into the sea, where they drown.
Shaken and mumbling, he makes his way back to the antique shop.
"Ah, so you've come back for the rest of the story," says the owner.
"No," says the tourist, "I was wondering if you have a bronze lawyer."
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Drunk And Disorderly
Thursday, October 9, 2008, 07:36 PM - Law Humor
Three men stood before a judge on a charge of drunk and disorderly conduct in a public place.The Judge says to the first defendant, "What were you doing?"
The first defendant says, "Nothing much, I was just throwing peanuts in the pond."
The Judge says to the second defendant, "And what were you doing?"
The second defendant says, "I was just throwing peanuts in the pond, too."
The Judge says that sounds harmless, and then says to the third defendant, "Were you throwing peanuts in the pond as well?"
The third defendant says, "No, sir. I am Peanuts!!"
To Tell The Truth
Sunday, October 5, 2008, 10:07 PM - Law Humor
The attorney was briefing his client, who was about to testify in his own defense. "You must swear to tell the complete truth. Do you understand?"
The client replied that he did.
The attorney then asked, "Do you know what will happen if you don't tell the truth?"
The client looked back and said, "Yes, we might be able to win."
"You seem to be in some distress," said the kindly judge to the witness. "Is anything the matter?"
The witness turned to the judge and said "Yes, your Honour, I swore to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, but every time I try, that lawyer over there objects."
Lawyer: "Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me the truth? Did you steal the car?"
Client: "After hearing your amazing arguments in court this morning, I'm beginning to think I didn't."
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